Friday, 21 March 2008

Good Friday?

What a wonderful weekend. No work today, plus another three days off. Give Him upstairs loads of thanks over this weekend!

But, and it’s a huge blooming big BUT, schizophrenia has really kicked in big time! Some one had forgotten to tell the voices in my head, that its ok to rest for a while. You don’t need to try and build Rome in a day and all the lovely cliches that make you not want to do anything. So there I was this morning, the voices waking me up at 7:30! I don’t even get up that early when I’m working. But still, on and on the relentless voices continued, for an hour I was literally arguing with myself about whether I should do ‘something’ today. ‘Get up, go for a run’ says the nasty one, as I affectionally call that particular voice now, ‘No stay where you are, it’s the holidays’ says the little voice that is sweeter than any chocolate Easter egg made. But like a chocolate Easter egg in young sons hands, that voice was gone. Left only with the nagging voice (sounds so much like nagging sister actually) I get out of the nice warm bed and declare to the old boy, ‘I’m off for a run’

I put on my nice, new, trendy jogging suit ready to go down stairs to do my warm ups, when I hear the laughter coming from the old boy. ‘Oh yes’ I thought to myself, as I remembered about the word ‘Athletic’ on my bottom!’ ‘You can add the other word on there too,’ says the old boy. Of course I had to ask which word that was ‘Charlton’ he says laughing.

Warm up done, all in full view of the old boy who had got up for tea, (I’m sure it was just to laugh his socks off as I’m bending and stretching in my new Athletic jogging pants!) I head off on my mile jog. The old boy very helpfully starts his own mobile phone stopwatch, at the same time as I start mine. Probably a very good idea, because the way I was feeling, if anyone else mentioned my bottom then……….. I might just accidentally push the buttons on my phone again.

Trying to remember the pace that nagging sister set on Tuesday I round the corner ready to start that stretch of path. I realised that I had overdone the pace because I was already looking for the first lamppost to walk from! At least there doesn’t seem to be many people about this morning, ‘No, that is because they are all tucked up in bed because it’s a HOLIDAY’ says that sweet little voice in my head. ‘Don’t stop at this lamppost run to the next’ came the nasty nagging, sister like voice. And I did. I reached turn around lamppost quicker than my previous.
I decided not to stop to take a breath, I would do a fast pace walk to the first lamppost on the way home. Pushing myself harder all the time , telling myself off when I walk. If there was a psychiatrist on my run I feel sure that they would have me committed! I will definitely need therapy after this! I’m at the end of that stretch of path now, and remembering what nagging sister said to me about doing a sprint from the corner all the way to my house, I walk to the corner, always at a brisk pace, and then a sprint to the house.

I fell into the kitchen, ‘15:44:23’ I shout triumphantly to the old boy! Well ok, I shoved the phone in the old boys face and mumbled and gasped something incoherent at him. Of course the old boys time was different to mind, but I stopped mine at the gate, he waited until I crawled into the house before he stopped his, a whole 5 seconds after!

I was pleased with my time, if I had the energy I would have done the ‘Rocky’ dance at the top of my stairs, but as usual I was stuck to my leather furniture. ‘When do you start to feel better’ I complained to the old boy. And his reply cut me to the marrow when he said. ‘You don’t actually feel better, you just find yourself being able to do more’ Aaagh, more, more?, I..... just want to sit here for the next three years!

No comments: