Struggle, What struggle?!

This old girl is not so old!! This old girl can give it what’s what, when its needed! Needless to say I did really well today. But I totally surprised myself. I thought I did worse that yesterday, I really don’t get it. When I think I have done good, it turns out that I was like an eighty year old with a zimmer frame, and when I think I did, well, crap, then I have to look at the stopwatch several times, wiping sweat from my brow to keep checking that its right. I was like lightening today!

I still haven’t got the little fella so I can go out and do the mile jog. To be honest I wasn’t looking forward to it. I was hoping to have the little fella today, apart from the fact that I’ve missed his cheeky little face, but then I wouldn’t have to go out there and bust a gut to just grab a few seconds back from yesterdays time. I didn’t even have to get up for the school run today, I could have stayed in bed until two thirty in the afternoon and then rushed around and do the housework before anyone came home.

But the voice is back in my head, my goal to jog the whole three miles of the ‘Race for Life’ is always on my mind, and the thought of my mum whose inspiration has got me off my backside to do something is a strong as ever, finally kicked my out of my bed at eight thirty this morning.

So after reading the paper, having my yoghurt and my cup of tea, I think about what it is that I have to do. Sister calls me to interrupt my thoughts, ‘Blimey she must have sixth sense’ I was thinking ‘Here comes the nagging’ but no nagging from sister. ‘Maybe I should just do some vigorous dancing in the kitchen then’ I was thinking after I put the phone down. But the voice in my head wasn’t going to let me do that. Then I remembered the time yesterday, I felt determined that I got to beat that, so I started my warm ups. It almost seemed a half hearted warm up I really didn’t want to do it, I was so disappointed yesterday, maybe that is what is in the back of my mind. But not doing it will not help me to beat that. One last stretch, check I have my key tied to my joggers and my mobile phone at the ready I head for the door.

There were men cutting the grass outside and it smelled so nice. ‘Yep,’ I thought to myself ‘This could be a good time’ well anything to try and get me motivated this morning, and I started my stopwatch and off I went. I got to as far as the top of the road and I was seriously thinking I needed to stop and catch my breath. Maybe I hadn’t warmed up enough, it was kind of a mediocre effort this morning. But I carried on, ’If I can get to the five posts then there is every chance of at least matching yesterdays time’ I thought to myself.

It really is an effort today, almost to the point where I would get to five posts and turn and go home. But that is defeatist thinking. Just remember why you are doing this, in whose memory its for, and whose beautiful face is going to be on our tee shirts. Onward to turnaround lamppost, knowing that from next week that is going to be a passing lamppost!

Homeward bound at last, saying good morning to the lady walker, no dog owners this morning and always hurdling over the dogs doing (but now they have been flattened by the rain and spreading over the path!). Through the ally onto the next lamppost and then walk. But I walk two lampposts. I am really annoyed with myself. ’what is stopping you from jogging’ I ask myself, ’is it the breathlessness, aching limbs’ I couldn’t actually pinpoint anything that was stopping from jogging so after the nagging I gave myself, and trying to imagine nagging sister with me, I jogged on.

Now I am a torture point. The part of the mile when nagging sister has decided that this is a good time to sprint to my house. I cross over the road, I look ahead of me, take a deep breath and then start running. I can almost hear myself willing me to go faster, go faster, go faster. I even feel myself slowing down and speeding up again.

‘Yes’ I shout very loudly, in my head as I reach my gate, because by now there was not a bit of breath left in me, I push the button to stop the clock. And slowly make my way to the door, I look at the time, 15,17:27 ’ Well that’s not bad, better than yesterday’ I open the door and look at again at my watch, 15:19:30, it was still going. Then I looked more carefully at the clock and I realised my time was actually 15:09:58. After looking and looking again realised I had read the wrong time! I was so pleased with myself, and I quickly texted the old boy and nagging sister of my quickest run ever to brag!